i want to be there for my family.

i've always been there for my friends and always for julio, my bootycall, but i never did realize how i took my family for granted until today. My dad, he's always been there for me. he never treats me badly. all he gives me is love. he's willing to give me the world if he wanted to. but i changed. and i never thought i would. i'm never home anymore like i used to and when i am home is because i gotta be, like kurfew or something but never once did i think about my family first. it seems like i always thought of my own happiness before my father's and that shouldn't be. he's been through a whole bunch in the past year and with everything going on, he won't be there like he used to. millions of miles away. the clock is ticking and i knew that he was gonna retire early to live in vietnam but i still kept thinking that he would stay here until things are stable with us. the whole time with everything happening, he's been depressed. and it doesn't make it any better when both of his kids are not even at home to even see him for more than five minutes a day. when both kids aren't even there anymore to simply eat dinner.
things are going to change. i don't want to leave my dad but it seems like i already have. he's alone. i'm going to try my best not to leave him alone anymore. for the time that he is with me, in texas or where ever i can  reach, i will try my best to be with him. he's my hero. my true hero. and he has become such a tragedy, i'm not going to do the things that i once did before. i love my dad with all my heart. possibly even more than julio. i don't like seeing him hurt, alone, depressed, and having to get away for a while because it's so empty at home. my aunts and my cousins are always home but ever since one of my aunts went back to vietnam, my all time favorite aunt, it has been a hard time for my dad, nobody to really talk to. i want him to feel happy that he has kids like us, i want him to feel happy that we're always with him, even when we're not. i love my dad and i want to be one of the people that make his life fulfilling. i want to change.

communication.

one of the things that society tends to lack upon. i think that all relationships base mostly on communication. i mean if you just not talk about things and let it go, it will come back and build up and become much worse than it is.
i sometimes hold it inside as well and even though we might think that it's the right thing to do at the time, it's not because the person on the other side might be completely oblivious of what we might think.
i know it's a "easy-said-than-done" kind of concept, i have trouble with it as well but it's a start to just talk about it. i've realized that i tend to hide as well but i feel like i know what's the right thing to do but there's always something that seems to be stopping me. but i'm willing to talk instead of bottle it up and i feel that people should start this trend as well.  
 there's always hope.

how do you feel about communication?

hm. comparing to the last post. XD

i got a job.
then it got closed down.
so now i'm broke once again.
mooching from my family that loves me.
taking a break from the whole job scene. XD
and having the most boringest time right now. XC

so today i ..
-broke the new camera cuhs it won't load on teh computer anymore
-lost my keys but recieved them once again. XC
-flopped all over on my starts.
-took two school bus trips. =]
-and ate some oreo's. XD

i miss writing in here.

"life doesn't give you the people you want
it gives you the people you need. to help you
to hurt you . to love you . to leave you .
to make you into the person you were meant to be."

im broke. no work. no nothing. no more money for me.